By Olaosebikan Olaniyi

Marriage is a contract, and every serious contract should be explicit about its most important terms. Sex is central to marriage. It affects emotional bonding, physical health, fidelity, and long-term satisfaction. Leaving it to assumptions and unspoken expectations is why so many marriages fail.

A sex agreement as part of the marriage contract makes sense for three clear reasons.

1. It Creates Clarity and Honesty

Most couples never have an honest conversation about their sexual needs, boundaries, frequency, and values before marriage. They assume love will handle it. A formal agreement forces that conversation. It allows both partners to state what they want, what they do not want, and what is non-negotiable. Clarity before marriage prevents resentment after marriage.

2. It Protects Consent and Mutual Respect

Marriage does not equal automatic consent. A sex agreement affirms that both partners have ongoing rights over their own bodies. It can define consent, right to say no without punishment, agreement on fidelity, protection, and respect for periods of illness, pregnancy, stress, or trauma. This protects both husband and wife and builds a culture of respect, not entitlement.

3. It Prevents Future Conflict

Many divorces and infidelity cases stem from sexual incompatibility and unmet expectations. One partner wants sex daily, the other weekly. One sees pornography or open marriage as acceptable, the other does not. One wants children immediately, the other wants to delay. If these issues were agreed upon in writing as part of the marriage contract, couples would either resolve them early or realize they are not compatible before making a lifelong commitment.

Including a sex agreement does not make marriage less romantic. It makes it more mature. We sign agreements for money, property, and children. Why should we ignore the very act that creates children and sustains intimacy?

Marriage should include a clear, mutual, and voluntary agreement about sex. It is practical, it is respectful, and it is necessary for a healthy modern marriage.

Lack Of Sex Is The Biggest Damage

In Marriage

Many things can damage a marriage like money problems, bad communication and family interference.

But none damages a marriage faster and deeper than lack of sex, it is more easy for a marriage to crash when she’s always tired of handling room affairs or when he’s busy pursuing dreams forgetting the importance of marital satisfaction.

Ma’am, you’re not a nanny, you’re a wife, no domestic assignment in the house should be paramount than attending to your husband’s sexual life, SEX is the main reason why you’re married, sex is why you said I do and should be prioritized.

Sex is not just physical pleasure. Sex is the bond that separates marriage from every other relationship. You can talk to a friend, share money with a brother, and laugh with a colleague. But sex is what makes a husband and wife husband and wife. When sex stops, the marriage starts to die, even if the couple still lives in the same house.

Lack of sex creates distance. The couple stops touching, stops feeling close, and stops feeling wanted. The husband starts to feel rejected. The wife starts to feel unloved. Small quarrels become big fights because the love that should calm them is no longer being expressed through intimacy.

Lack of sex also opens the door to temptation and infidelity. When a man or woman is starved of sex at home, the body and the mind will begin to look outside. It is not an excuse for cheating, but it is the reality of human nature. A marriage that is sexually dead is a marriage that is vulnerable to destruction.

Lack of sex destroys confidence and happiness. A person who is constantly denied begins to ask questions: Am I not attractive again? Does my partner still love me? Has my partner found someone else? Those thoughts breed suspicion, anger, and depression.

Sex heals what words cannot heal. After a quarrel, a good intimate moment can bring peace back. Sex removes stress, builds trust, and reminds both partners that they belong to each other. Without it, marriage becomes just a business partnership, two strangers sharing rent and children.

That is why lack of sex is the biggest damage in marriage. A couple can survive poverty if they still desire each other. A couple can survive distance if they still long for each other. But a couple cannot survive a marriage where sex is dead.

For marriage to survive, husband and wife must protect their sex life. They must prioritize it, discuss it, and keep it alive.

OLANIYI, is a Relationship Coach

Sex agreement should be part of marriage contract

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